I hope Conan and his crew land a lucrative gig on Fox, FX, or another outlet for a fall debut.

One thing this remake did not have going for it from the git-go was that McGoohan’s *Prisoner* came right on the heels of his successful series *Danger Man* (*Secret Agent Man* in the US), and there was the strong implication that McGoohan’s Number Six was indeed the same character he’d played in the former series, now catching a very special hell for his resignation. McGoohan, who exercised absolute creative control on the show, was putting it in the faces of his Cold War audience that whoever won this Cold War, we all lost. With all the surveillance and spy-vs.spy shenanigans, we were becoming the very enemy we were purporting to defeat. One can only imagine what McGoohan made of USA PATRIOT Act post-Sept. 11 America — or indeed what he would have made of it, had he the youth and wherewithal to make another series.

Yeah, the more I think about it, I’ll pass on this one. Even Ian McKellan as Number Two can’t redeem this atrocity.

Ev’ry mornin’ at the City you could see him arrive, He stood six foot six & weighed three eighty-five. Kinda broad at the shoulder & wide at the hip, & Everybody knew ya didn’t give no lip to Big John (Big John, Big John, Big Bad John) Nobody seemed to know where John called home, He just drifted into town & stayed all alone. He never said much, kinda quiet & shy, & if you spoke to him at all, you just said ‘hi’ to Big John. Some one said he came from the Linux loft, Where he got into a fight over Microsoft, & A crashin’ blow from his huge right hand, Sent an innocent computer to the promise land, Big John. Then came the day when teeth began to gnash, ‘Cause a virus attacked & Windows did crash. Users were prayin’ & hearts beat fast, & Everybody knew their hard drives couldn’t last, except John. Thru the dust & the smoke of this man made hell, Walked a giant of a man that us Users knew well. He grabbed a virus killer, gave out with a groan, & Like a mighty oak tree, he just stood there alone, Big John. With his Red Hat in hand, he started back down, Then we heard that rumble way deep under ground.
Then the smoke & the gas belched outta that drive, & Everybody knew that computer would dive, even John. Now they never reopened that worthless pit, They just stamped at big ‘SURPLUS’ on top of it, & These few lines are written
under that Word…
“I hate Windows! It’s just a Big Turd!” Big John, Big John, Big Bad John.